How we live?Think about it!!

Perspective on Indian Society

I recently had the chance of looking at our society from a foreigner’s perspective. The meeting was not a chance encounter but the realization after that surely made me think. There are some things that are so much a part of our culture that they are no longer apart. They are beyond questioning or reasoning. We just don’t notice them any longer.
It happened a month ago. My cousin, Sheliza was visiting from New Zealand with her Kiwi husband, Carlton. They had been touring India during most of their visit and were just about to go back. Before that ofcourse she had to visit me. Both my husband and I are working and it was a weekday. We had not been able to prepare for a dinner at home so we decided we would pick up some snacks from the market. Though my sis had been categorical that she would not stay for dinner, we still had to do something. After all , they were coming to our place for the first time and it was not going to be often. So, we had to pick them up from the metro station and on the way back pick up somethings to eat too.
They were easy to spot at the station. It was not often that you would see a foreigner at the station. After our greetings and hugs and hand-shakes, we started for home. While we headed for the market, which ofcourse my sis did not know about, the conversation basically revolved around their different trips in India. I asked Carlton, “So how did you find India?”.
“Interesting!!, yeah!!”, he said in his Kiwi accent.
I was still getting used to it and his accent coupled with his facial expressions were very funny.
“So, you are liking it?”, I asked.
“Yes, preety much so. But I had a horrible time in Agra. I am sorry to say but people there are not very nice.”, he answered back.
Let me tell you, you may say a thousand bad things about your country but when someone else says something, you get very defensive and possessive. After all, its your country. You don’t like hearing anything bad, plain and simple.
Anyway, I enquired about what had happened and then Sheliza explained that there were many beggars who just kept pestering Carlton for money. Moreover, he wanted to buy somethings and went out alone to the market. It turned out that the shopkeepers tried to sell him stuff for thrice the printed amount. So, he had the general impression of the place being filled with cheats.
“So, what about the other places?”, I asked.
Meanwhile we had reached the market and Sachin went out to get the snacks. Carlton told me,” Chandigarh was really nice. People there were very helpful indeed. I love fruits and there was a vendor who gifted me an extra fruit after I purchased some fruit from him. And Jaipur too was a very good experience.”.
I was happy to know that his experience was not all that bad. As we talked, Sheliza interfered,” Where has Sachin gone? I hope you guys are not buying anything to eat. Are you?”.
“Well yes, we had just come back from office and I could not cook. So we thought we’ll pick up soemthing from the market.”, I told her.
“Are yaar, I told you that we are not going to have anything. We can sit barely for half-an-hour” We need to meet some other people before we leave day after.”.
“Ok fine. But still let it be.”, I told her.
She told Carlton that Sachin had gone to get food and Carlton said ,” I am sorry but I am not going to have anything. We just had a very heavy lunch followed by snacks. I am afraid I won’t be eating.” “And so won’t I”, said Sheliza.
“Oh!! Let’s see”, I said , hoping that they would eat.
As Sachin came back to the car and we started towards home, the conversation again returned to there different trips.
Sachin asked Carlton,” So, you must have been visiting a lot of people?”.
To this Carlton answered,” To live in India, you need to be very very politically correct.”.
Sachin and I looked at one another wondering what he exactly meant by that.
As I looked back and asked “Why?”, he answered, “ There are just so many aunties!! You need to remember, you told what aunty what? Which auntie’s place you have been to? Which aunty told which aunty what? So, yes you need to be very very politically correct”. And then he started nodding his head with a very thoughful expression.
All three of us burst out laughing at what he had said. And we did not have any answer. As we parked the car in our parking place, both Sheliza and Carlton complimented on the apartments that we stayed in. That’s one of the advatages of staying in a newly constraucted apartment complex. They are less cramped and well planned.
We went home and made ourselves comfortable. As everybody sat down I asked them,”What will you have? Tea, coffee or some soft-drink?”.
Sheliza said she didn’t want anything while Carlton asked for a cup of tea. On asking he said ginger tea was fine.
I went into the kitchen and then started rushing up. I had to make tea and also fry the frozen snacks that Sachin had got from the market. I asked my sis-in-law to help me out. She was really amused by this foreigner she had met and was more than happy to come to the kitchen where she could grin openly. “Yeh kaise bolta hai?”, she said.
I smiled and sked her to quickly make the tea while I fried the snacks. The cutlery and the chutnis and stuff were already on the table.
As we cooked, Sachin showed them the house and then they were back again on the sofas. We quickly joined them and served the food.
Seated together, I offered the snacks one by one and Carlton refused everything saying,” I told you, I can’t have a thing.” And there is was, sheliza had one piece for courtesy-sake and that was it. For Carlton, as he had said, the tea was enough!!
And then he continued,” Since we came here its been all about “kao beta kao!! Beta, aur kao”. I have put so much of weight.”
And then he told us a story. “ We went to one of the aunties place for breakfast and she asked,” Beta, you want a parothi?”, I said “No” but BAM!! It came into my plate!! Then she asked,” You want some butter?”. I again said “No” but still it came into my plate. I asked Sheliza,” What’s wrong? Do they not understand the meaning of No?”She then told me that you don’t say No once, you say it like 10 times and then hide your plate.”.
He then picked up the plate kept in front of him and as he took it behind him he said,” So, now I say No like this.”
All of us just kept laughing at whatever he said. He seemed to be enjoying it too and so we had the priviledge to hear one more story. This was about another aunty who had hosted a dinner and served “those brown balls”, as he put it for dessert.
“I was so full”, he said exaggerating on the “full”, “and the aunty served two of those balls to everybody. Sheliza told her that she was going to have just one. When the aunty could not convince her to have both, she just picked the ball up and put it right into my bowl!!”. And then made the funny face frowning and moving his eyes in wonderment.
This had all of us falling from our sofas, chairs and bean-bags. It was so funny the way he said it all.
He then asked Sachin,” A man’s life is very easy in this part of the world. I assume the same is in this house-hold as well?”.
Sachin was confused and asked,” What do you mean?”.
To which he answered,” I hear that you get up late in the morning and your tea is reasy. Then they ask you what you want to eat and prepare the breakfast. So, that’s a good life.”
Sachin had to answer yes. J
He further continued,”
When Sheliza took me to her place for the first time, she asked me “Would you like a cup of tea?” and I said,” I would very much like it.” She then went ahead and showed me the kitchen,” There’s the pan, there’s the sugar and the tea-leaves. Please make it yourself.”
And her mother was like “…….besharam…….besharam……”.
This brought another round of huge laughters from everyone.
I asked him,” So you have picked up some hindi?”.
“Oh yes.” And then we had a story from sheliza. She told us that before leaving from NZ, her father had told Carlton that he should know some hindi words so that he could understand what was going on. Like “haan” meant “yes”, “nahi” was “No”, “acha” meant “Good” and …
On listening to this Carlton said, “acha is not good. It is a bad word.”.
We started wondering where the story would lead. Then Sheliza explained that whenever he says or does something wrong, she automatically responds with “ACHCHA!!yeh aise hoga?”.
And suddenly all of us realised what she was saying and again we had no option but to laugh as Calrton continued,” Yes, acha means you are in trouble. You have done something wrong!!”.
As we chatted along it was time for them to leave. We said our goodbyes and dropped them to the station.
That night, as I was sleeping and recalling everything that had happened, I realised how Carlton had stressed on all our formalities and pretense so easily. It was indeed all true. A simple “No” also cannot be taken at the face-value. I won’t say that the “aunties” who forcibly serve food are wrong. Not entirely atleast. We don’t actually answer to any question honestly. Each one of us has the habit of not answering straigh-forward. Its always like, let the person ask twice and then I’ll take it. In such circumstances the norm is to serve forcibly.
Though obviously its not just about food. What Carlton had done was just highlight the fact that we waste so much time in out pretenses. Why can’t we just be honest with what we want and what we don’t?
And ofcourse he was right about being politically correct too. We waste way too much time and energy in handling all our relatives and keeping them happy. If only people could be more understanding and adjusting , all time and energy could be used for more important things in life. And life would definitely be simpler and happier.
THINK ABOUT IT!!