Performance Appraisals Revisited

Skills ................................................... Actual Meaning
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS ...... = Able to bullshit
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS ...... = Spends lots of time on phone
AVERAGE EMPLOYEE .............. . = Not too bright
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED ... = Made no major blunders yet
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY ......... = Too ugly to get a date
ACTIVE SOCIALLY ................ = Drinks a lot
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY ...... = Spouse drinks, too
INDEPENDENT WORKER ............. = Nobody knows what he/she does
QUICK THINKING ................. = Offers plausible excuses
CAREFUL THINKER ................ = Won't make a decision
AGGRESSIVE ..................... = Obnoxious
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS ... = Gets someone else to do it
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL .... = Speaks English
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL .= A nit picker
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES ....... = Is tall or has a loud voice
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT.= Lucky
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR ........... = Knows a lot of dirty jokes
CAREER MINDED .................. = Back Stabber
LOYAL .......................... = Can't get a job anywhere else