The pot-bearer

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the House, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house.Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments,perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot wasashamed of it's own imperfection. And miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causeswater to leak out all the way back to your house. Because of myflaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw. So I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house?

Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape. Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life.

Zodiacs and Employee Profile : What kind of Employee you are?

Aries Employee Profile (march 21 - april 19)
Aries employees make excellent troubleshooters.They'll usually want to be out in the field at a variety of different work sites fixing things. They certainly won't be happy for very long behind a desk in a 9 to 5 schedule. The bored Aries employee who has been forced into a square hole will typically be restless, angry, and careless with details. No amount of money would compensate for being stuck in a routine job. Money in fact isn't why they are working at all. They do want to be paid fairly and need a status position to satisfy their competitive tendencies--but even more importantly, they'll want challenging new projects They typically like to have a sense of responsibility and need to feel needed. In return, they'll give their all and provide detailed, consistent work. They will literally work themselves to exhaustion to prove themselves. If you want to keep your Aries co- worker productive and happy, you'll want to give them the opportunity to work independently or let them help and lead less experienced workers.
Taurus Employee Profile (april 20 - may 20)
Taureans make some of the best employees. They are loyal, hardworking, and no-nonsense.
They work methodically and follow projects through until they are complete.
Some may appear to work a little too slowly-usually because they are so careful-but they will always finish what they start.
They thrive on structure, schedules, and routine. You'll find them doing the same exact thing at the same time every day.
Taureans, however, are not exactly the malleable workers that they often appear to be.
If they have to work in a chaotic environment, they won't be happy and will be prone to child-like temper tantrums and stubbornness. They might react similarly if they have to work around ignorant people or at a job where there is no obvious potential for advancement. Taureans will be very unhappy if there isn't a ladder for them to climb. Even in the worst situations, they will find a way to advance slowly, winning over the most difficult people who may stand in their way of progress.
Taurus employees will only take so much patiently and happily before they feel they are being taken advantage of.
They will gladly accept orders and do whatever dirty work needs to get done, but they expect rewards.
They want material gain, salary increases, and the potential for more power.
To make your Taurus employees happy, be sure to give them projects through which they will see tangible results- hopefully something that will allow them to express their unique creativity in addition to their practical side.
They don't want to feel mired in details for long periods of time. Make sure to schedule regular performance and salary reviews.
This show of respect should keep them loyal to the company.

Gemini Employee Profile (may 21 - june 21)
Gemini employees can have difficulty concentrating on one thing for long periods of time.
They have quick-moving minds and love to talk and communicate their ideas with others. They thrive on social interaction -- even if their jobs don't particularly support it. You'll be able to find them wandering from desk to desk gossiping about all the sordid news in the office. They can be powerful persuaders in their speech and make ideal salespeople and mediators. They love to negotiate and can work out the best Deal for everyone involved. When properly stimulated, they can manage to keep their wandering mind focused and actually be quite productive. When they are bored, bogged down with mundane detail-work, or forced to work with people who they consider droll, they can become mean-spirited and gossipy. Their moods can fluctuate vastly day to day, as well as their productivity. It is really against t heir nature to be forced into an average workday schedule and environment. They are happier travelling. lf they are in an office they will need constant new stimulation. Most will be wanting advancement if they see this as a way to escape the limitations of their jobs. This can motivate them to put extra effort into their job. If you work with a Gemini, try to avoid getting into any debates with them they will surely win and it could end in some hard feelings on your part. They will need an accepting environment-one that supports their need for multi-tasking.
Cancer Employee Profile (june 22 - july 21)
The Cancer employee isn't at work to feed their ego -- their job is just a job and a means to get paid.
They work steadily and are usually very reliable. You'll be able to depend on them to show up on time and do what is necessary.
They won't get involved in power struggles or get upset when someone advances before them.
They are able to accept the situation because they see it simply as a rung on the ladder up.
Their motivation is security. They'll want more money the longer they've stayed at a job.
They don't want to have to worry about how they'll make ends meet tomorrow so they'll need a stable position without much risk. Cancerian workers can slip into some dark moods on occasion. During these periods productivity tends to drop-as well as everyone else's in the office. Their moods can be so strong everyone becomes affected. To avoid the frequency of these occurrences, managers and co-workers should try to make the work environment as homey as possible-keep it well heated, cozy, and friendly.
Don't press them to reveal their true inner thoughts-their tendency is to be secretive and protective, and they could see prying as an attempt to disturb their security.

Leo Employee Profile (july 22 - august 21)
Leo workers want to be first and at the center of the office.
Even if they can't lead, they'll look for every opportunity to increase their own status and if someone else seems ahead of them, look out. They will make it clear that they aren't happy by pouting and complaining.
They want advancement so much that they'll take on more responsibility and carry a heavier load than anyone else does in the office. And they are self-promoters. It is likely that they are telling everyone in the office what a great job they are doing as well as giving everyone unwanted advice.
They know they are superior and want everyone to know it as well.
This arrogance can sometimes cause problems when working with management.
But typically, they are just hard workers out to demonstrate just how good they really are.
They thrive in sales positions - they can promote a product or company just as well as they promote themselves.
Their strength and arrogance isn't just show either.
In a crisis situation, Leos really demonstrate their true courage.
Leos want to lead and will be pushing for more responsibility and rewards.
They are happy to train and mentor new co- workers as they enjoy giving advice and being in positions of authority.
If you are trying to manage a Leo employee, you'll need to give them plenty of praise, responsibility, and independence.
They will certainly want to help lighten your load of management responsibilities.
Just be careful- the next thing you know they could be taking over your job.
Virgo Employee Profile (august 22 - september 22)
In the right situations Virgos love to work. They make ideal employees, happily working late into the night to make sure everything is perfect and in order. If you are looking for an employee who doesn't mind starting from rock bottom in the most entry-level position at the company, hire a Virgo. They'll have no complaints about the position being beneath them. They are CONTENT with basic, honest hard work. Their contentment isn't always apparent, however.. They love to complain and worry. They are quick to criticize the way things are done around the office and are the first ones to grumble disapprovingly at what they consider to be extravagance or laziness. They are blunt and honest and don't mince words over what they feel just isn't right. Usually, this will be brought on by someone doing a half-baked job or not being considerate of other co-work ers. You'll want to constantly reassure them, but this will do little to quell their anxieties. They actually enjoy worrying, and there is little you can do about it. Just give them a detail - oriented project and let them work alone on it. You won't have to supervise a Virgo worker. They'll check all the facts before getting started and catch their own errors when they are done. To keep a Virgo employee happy, you should also make sure their environment is orderly and calm. You should also provide small gestures of appreciation. They don't need extravagance, just let them know you appreciate them in small ways that won't embarrass them. They will probably just shrug their shoulders and say, "It's no big deal." But deep down inside they need these little reassurances.

Libra Employee Profile (september 23 - october 22)
Libra employees are detailed, dedicated workers with sensitive natures. Managers and co-workers sometimes find them difficult to get a handle on. They pick up the energy of the office and are unable to prevent it from affecting them. Loud noise, flashy colors, and discordant vibrations will put them off so much that they will have difficulty fulfilling their obligations at work.
One day they may seem like the most bright, hardworking, ambitious employee around. The next day they might be down, irritated, and unable to produce. Co-workers shouldn't fret when Libra employees are in a dark mood. It really won't last, as a happy state of mind can come over them just as quickly. When Libra employees are in a balanced frame of mind, they can be a powerful presence at work-they have a way of gracing everything they touch. Underneath that mess of moods, they really are basically happy and stable people. They are capable of profound logical thought and evaluate all sides of a situation before acting. They are one of the most intelligent Signs around. They are expert researchers and mediators. And their sensitivity to their environment makes them naturals at keeping things looking great. They will easily help others resolve conflicts and can act as a go-between with workers and management so that everyone ends up happy. If you want to keep your Libran worker smiling, give them the respect they are due and put them in a position where they can project their great charm and diplomacy. They won't be CONTENT to take orders for very long, either- make sure they are given increased responsibility.
Scorpio Employee Profile (october 23 - november 21)
Scorpio employees usually exude a quiet self-confidence. They are self-sufficient and do not depend on others for a sense of self-worth. They keep their private life separate from work and take complete responsibility for their actions and their situation. They don't make excuses; they just take care of business and expect everyone else to do the same. Those who don't, co- workers and managers- will have to endure the Scorpio wrath. They don't mind being completely vocal about what they feel is wrong with any given situation. And if you tread on their fire be sure to expect retaliation. They won't take insults or opposition lying down. If you manage a Scorpio employee, be sure to follow through with your word and don't break any promises-Scorpio is keeping track and building up some heavy resentments against you if you do. You may not even be aware of it until too late-but when Scorpio gets too m uch, you'll be sure to know. Scorpio employees will react towards those around them exactly as they are treated. When they get what they want, they will be very accepting. If you are trying to work with or motivate a Scorpio co-worker, be sure to treat them respectfully and act professionally. Give them challenging work that allows them to utilize their awesome self-confidence and courage.

Sagittarius Employee Profile (november 22 - december 21)
The Sagittarian employee is head strong, cheerful, and willing to help. They exude self-confidence and take on tasks like there's no tomorrow. They are willing to tackle even the toughest of projects as long as it is challenging and gets them out of the routine. Lucky for them, their shining personalities and honest enthusiasm seem like a bright spot in the office- otherwise co-workers might begin to build animosity towards someone so arrogant and extravagant. Their tendency to exaggerate and take on more then they can handle usually results in missed deadlines and dropping the ball-not because they are lazy of procrastinate, but because their enthusiasm just gets the better of them sometimes. Don't let their nonchalance fool you-they really do care about what they are doing. They just have an easy-going attitude that allows them to keep on smiling even when they just messed up big time. Just because they are flexible and easy-going doesn't mean they won't tell you exactly how they feel-what is working for them and what isn't. And they won't just blindly take orders - they need to understand the method and reason behind the process. If you are trying to motivate your Sagittarian employee, be sure to feed them plenty of challenging new projects and hint that some business trips might be on the horizon once deadlines are met. And whatever you do, try not to question their intentions - it is the quickest way to make them upset. They aren't capable of deceit.
Capricorn Employee Profile (december 22 - january 20)
A Capricorn employee with too much to do is a happy worker. They need plenty of projects and responsibility. There is no sadder sight than a Capricorn worker without a sense of responsibility. They need to be needed. They are covertly ambitious - usually not flashy or obvious about it-but you will usually know that they are serious and determined about advancing themselves. They are completely scrupulous, so much so that they can be self-disparaging. But they are no pushovers. They can wear down even the toughest customers. Their persistence is incredible. Once they set their sights on a goal, they work away at it until the bitter end-whether the goal be that hard sell or the new hardware release. Capricorns don't work for free, however. They expect to be paid handsomely and be given more and more responsibility. They need to come out ahead of the pack in the end, and they see the work environment as their primary vehicle. They won't go in for the typical office gossip and politics, though. They want to get down to business at work and see it as no place for fooling around. With a strong sense of duty and respect towards their superiors, it is rare they will join in on boss-bashing or knocking the system. They can get frustrated, however, with blue sky management schemes that lack common sense, and they will interject their dry sense of humor in the most critical ways. If they want change, they will be unyielding. If all their effort leads to naught the result will be deep moods of darkness and depression with a sense of hopelessness. Keep your Capricorn employee happy by paying them fairly and giving them plenty of hard work. Arrange for a path of advancement within your organization for them. If you don't, you might find them looking for other opportunities.
Aquarius Employee Profile (january 21 - february 19)
The Aquarius employee can't tolerate unfairness in the office. Hair brained schemes will get the positive attention they deserve if an Aquarian has anything to do with it. They'll try to help everyone see the good side of a bad situation if it's the last thing that they do. They are so smart-they can't help but hold management in disdain if they feel that they are being unfair and unintelligent. It isn't that they are overly ambitious and think they could be doing a better job- just that they think people in power should know better.
Most Aquarius workers are still looking for themselves and will want to try their hand at a variety of jobs in the workplace.
Whatever they are doing, they will do conscientiously. They usually have strict personal codes that include a strong work ethic.
Their bright, off-beat intelligence, and trustwothiness will typically gain them many friends-in and out of work.
Beneath that sometimes odd-ball behavior is solid, concrete thinking and sensitivity to co-workers.
Keep your smart Aquarius co-worker happy by giving them plenty of opportunity to learn news kills.
Raises are less important to them. No amount of money will make it worth their while to stay in a stagnant position.
Don't let them get too bored or they will simply find another job as easily as they found this one-their genius is easy to spot.
Pisces Employee Profile (february 20 - march 20)
The Pisces employee can be a loyal and hard-working, if unconventional, worker. In the right position, they are able to keep their daydreams in check and buckle down on the detail work-giving their all to the boss and corporation whom they feel are worthy of devotion. On the flip side, there is no image of extreme misery like that of an ill-placed Pisces worker. They will act as though their cubicle were a prison cell as they daydream of their own business or next vacation. Unhappy Pisces workers usually won't stick around too long. Often Pisceans will drift from one job to another looking for that ideal environment to which they will be able to commit and feel a sense of purpose. And if things are going in a bad direction at the office, Pisces will be the first to sense it.
They'd rather pick up and leave then wait until the problem reaches a head. Pisces are often misunderstood by their co-workers. Typically timid and introspective, they usually keep their true nature hidden, for fear it wouldn't fit with the corporate culture.
What motivates a Pisces employee to not only stick around but also excel? Try compliments. And show them how their work impacts the entire organization. They need to know that what they are doing is worth something on a grander scale. Acceptance of their unconventional organization and planning will be necessary. Just because their sales report isn't in the typical format doesn't mean it is any less effective. Keep their environment bright and upbeat; and an after-work cocktail wouldn't hurt

English in British accent

How can an Angrez tell his Indian naukar, who doesn't know English, to
"Open the door"???
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Guess.....
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Guess.....
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Say these lines fast in US English accent....
"There was a cold day!"...

Interview : really funny

"When did India get independence?" He was asked.
"The efforts began many years earlier and the final result was in 1947" He
replied.
"Who was responsible for our independence?"
"There were so many. Whom to mention?. If I name one it will be a injustice to another. "he replied.
"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report" he replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others,since they were planning to ask the same questions.
When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He
politely declined, but one persistent Sardar would not leave him.
"At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged. Then it was the turn of this Sardar.
When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him.
"By the way, what is your date of birth?"
He replied, "The effort began many years earlier and final result was in 1947."
Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification.
"What is your fathers name?"
He replied, "There were so many, whom to mention. If I name one it will be injustice to another."
The interviewer was incensed. "Hey! are you mad or what?"
He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."

Husband-Wife Conversations!!

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument andneither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws"..

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, cheque or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HE BREWS"

Joke : Kya aap married hain?

Tufani Barish
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Aadhi raat
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Sardar Pizza Hut pe pizza lene aya

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Waiter: Aap married hain?
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Sardar: Kutte, aisi tufani barish main kaunsi maa bete ko pizza lene
bhejegi?

Does God Exist

There was a young man who went overseas to study for quite a long
time.
When he returned, he asked his parents to find him a religious scholar
or Any expert who could answer his 3 Questions. Finally, his parents
were able to find a scholar.

Young man:
Who are you? Can you answer my questions?

Scholar:
I am one of Lord's believers and I will try to answer your questions.

Young man:
Are you sure? A lot of Professors and experts were not able to answer
my questions.

Scholar:
I will try my best.

Young Man: I have 3 questions:
1. Does God exist? If so, show me His shape.
2. What is fate?
3. If Devil was created from the fire, why at the end he will be thrown
to hell that is also created from fire. It certainly will not hurt him
at all, since Devil and the hell were created from fire. Did God not
think of it this far?

Suddenly, the Scholar slapped the young man's face very hard.

Young Man (feeling pain):
Why do you get angry at me?

Scholar:
I am not angry. The slap is my answer to your three questions.

Young Man:
I really don't understand.

Scholar:
How do you feel after I slapped you?

Young Man:
Of course, I felt the pain.

Scholar:
So do you believe that pain exists?

Young Man:
Yes.

Scholar:
Show me the shape of the pain!

Young Man:
I cannot.

Scholar:
That is my first answer.
All of us feel God's existence without being able to see His shape...
Last night, did you dream that you will be slapped by me?

Young Man:
No.

Scholar:
Did you ever think that you will get a slap from me, today?

Young Man:
No.

Scholar:
That is fate my second answer........
My hand that I used to slap you, what is it created from?

Young Man:
It is created from flesh.

Scholar:
How about your face, what is it created from?

Young Man:
Flesh.

Scholar:
How do you feel after I slapped you?

Young Man:
In pain.

Scholar:
That's it. this is my third answer, Even though Devil and hell were
created
from the fire, if God wants, the hell will become a very painful place
for the Devil.

Top 22 Things an Indian does after coming from abroad

22. Use Nope for No and Yep for Yes.
21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.
20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.
19. Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi". Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds". Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi". Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate". Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit". Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway". Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go". Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
6.. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".
4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
Few more important
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India , even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
Ultimate one:
1.. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

Project Management

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the
street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the Living
Room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings
onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful
Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s**t!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady




MORAL: Gather all resources before working on any project and committing to
the client...!!!

Too much of a coincedence

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.


John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.


Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.


Creepy huh?
This is one history lesson most people probably do not mind reading!

Love and Madness : Beautiful Love Story

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it, God had put all the human "qualities" in a separate room. Since all the qualities were bored they decided to play hide & seek.
"Madness" was one of the qualities and he shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek "Madness", all the other qualities agreed. So "Madness" leaned against a tree and started to count:
One, two, three..." As "Madness" counted, the qualities went hiding. "Treason" hid in a pile of garbage.. "Lie " said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake. And Madness continued to count "... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..." By this time, all the qualities were already hidden-except "Love ".
For stupid as "Love " is, he could not decide where to hide.
And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide "Love".
"Madness": "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when "Madness" got to one hundred..... ...."Love" jumped into a rose bush where he hid.
And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!" As Madness turned around, "Laziness" was the first to be found, because "Laziness" was too lazy to hide. "Madness" searched madly and found "Lie" at the bottom of the lake. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love.
Envious of Love, "Envy" whispered to "Madness ": "You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush."
"Madness" Jumped on the rose bush and he heard loud cry. The thorns in the bush had pierced "Loves" eyes.
Hearing the commotion God came into the room and saw what had happened. He got very angry and cursed "Madness" and said since "Love" has become blind because of u... ..u shall always be with him"

How we live?Think about it!!

Perspective on Indian Society

I recently had the chance of looking at our society from a foreigner’s perspective. The meeting was not a chance encounter but the realization after that surely made me think. There are some things that are so much a part of our culture that they are no longer apart. They are beyond questioning or reasoning. We just don’t notice them any longer.
It happened a month ago. My cousin, Sheliza was visiting from New Zealand with her Kiwi husband, Carlton. They had been touring India during most of their visit and were just about to go back. Before that ofcourse she had to visit me. Both my husband and I are working and it was a weekday. We had not been able to prepare for a dinner at home so we decided we would pick up some snacks from the market. Though my sis had been categorical that she would not stay for dinner, we still had to do something. After all , they were coming to our place for the first time and it was not going to be often. So, we had to pick them up from the metro station and on the way back pick up somethings to eat too.
They were easy to spot at the station. It was not often that you would see a foreigner at the station. After our greetings and hugs and hand-shakes, we started for home. While we headed for the market, which ofcourse my sis did not know about, the conversation basically revolved around their different trips in India. I asked Carlton, “So how did you find India?”.
“Interesting!!, yeah!!”, he said in his Kiwi accent.
I was still getting used to it and his accent coupled with his facial expressions were very funny.
“So, you are liking it?”, I asked.
“Yes, preety much so. But I had a horrible time in Agra. I am sorry to say but people there are not very nice.”, he answered back.
Let me tell you, you may say a thousand bad things about your country but when someone else says something, you get very defensive and possessive. After all, its your country. You don’t like hearing anything bad, plain and simple.
Anyway, I enquired about what had happened and then Sheliza explained that there were many beggars who just kept pestering Carlton for money. Moreover, he wanted to buy somethings and went out alone to the market. It turned out that the shopkeepers tried to sell him stuff for thrice the printed amount. So, he had the general impression of the place being filled with cheats.
“So, what about the other places?”, I asked.
Meanwhile we had reached the market and Sachin went out to get the snacks. Carlton told me,” Chandigarh was really nice. People there were very helpful indeed. I love fruits and there was a vendor who gifted me an extra fruit after I purchased some fruit from him. And Jaipur too was a very good experience.”.
I was happy to know that his experience was not all that bad. As we talked, Sheliza interfered,” Where has Sachin gone? I hope you guys are not buying anything to eat. Are you?”.
“Well yes, we had just come back from office and I could not cook. So we thought we’ll pick up soemthing from the market.”, I told her.
“Are yaar, I told you that we are not going to have anything. We can sit barely for half-an-hour” We need to meet some other people before we leave day after.”.
“Ok fine. But still let it be.”, I told her.
She told Carlton that Sachin had gone to get food and Carlton said ,” I am sorry but I am not going to have anything. We just had a very heavy lunch followed by snacks. I am afraid I won’t be eating.” “And so won’t I”, said Sheliza.
“Oh!! Let’s see”, I said , hoping that they would eat.
As Sachin came back to the car and we started towards home, the conversation again returned to there different trips.
Sachin asked Carlton,” So, you must have been visiting a lot of people?”.
To this Carlton answered,” To live in India, you need to be very very politically correct.”.
Sachin and I looked at one another wondering what he exactly meant by that.
As I looked back and asked “Why?”, he answered, “ There are just so many aunties!! You need to remember, you told what aunty what? Which auntie’s place you have been to? Which aunty told which aunty what? So, yes you need to be very very politically correct”. And then he started nodding his head with a very thoughful expression.
All three of us burst out laughing at what he had said. And we did not have any answer. As we parked the car in our parking place, both Sheliza and Carlton complimented on the apartments that we stayed in. That’s one of the advatages of staying in a newly constraucted apartment complex. They are less cramped and well planned.
We went home and made ourselves comfortable. As everybody sat down I asked them,”What will you have? Tea, coffee or some soft-drink?”.
Sheliza said she didn’t want anything while Carlton asked for a cup of tea. On asking he said ginger tea was fine.
I went into the kitchen and then started rushing up. I had to make tea and also fry the frozen snacks that Sachin had got from the market. I asked my sis-in-law to help me out. She was really amused by this foreigner she had met and was more than happy to come to the kitchen where she could grin openly. “Yeh kaise bolta hai?”, she said.
I smiled and sked her to quickly make the tea while I fried the snacks. The cutlery and the chutnis and stuff were already on the table.
As we cooked, Sachin showed them the house and then they were back again on the sofas. We quickly joined them and served the food.
Seated together, I offered the snacks one by one and Carlton refused everything saying,” I told you, I can’t have a thing.” And there is was, sheliza had one piece for courtesy-sake and that was it. For Carlton, as he had said, the tea was enough!!
And then he continued,” Since we came here its been all about “kao beta kao!! Beta, aur kao”. I have put so much of weight.”
And then he told us a story. “ We went to one of the aunties place for breakfast and she asked,” Beta, you want a parothi?”, I said “No” but BAM!! It came into my plate!! Then she asked,” You want some butter?”. I again said “No” but still it came into my plate. I asked Sheliza,” What’s wrong? Do they not understand the meaning of No?”She then told me that you don’t say No once, you say it like 10 times and then hide your plate.”.
He then picked up the plate kept in front of him and as he took it behind him he said,” So, now I say No like this.”
All of us just kept laughing at whatever he said. He seemed to be enjoying it too and so we had the priviledge to hear one more story. This was about another aunty who had hosted a dinner and served “those brown balls”, as he put it for dessert.
“I was so full”, he said exaggerating on the “full”, “and the aunty served two of those balls to everybody. Sheliza told her that she was going to have just one. When the aunty could not convince her to have both, she just picked the ball up and put it right into my bowl!!”. And then made the funny face frowning and moving his eyes in wonderment.
This had all of us falling from our sofas, chairs and bean-bags. It was so funny the way he said it all.
He then asked Sachin,” A man’s life is very easy in this part of the world. I assume the same is in this house-hold as well?”.
Sachin was confused and asked,” What do you mean?”.
To which he answered,” I hear that you get up late in the morning and your tea is reasy. Then they ask you what you want to eat and prepare the breakfast. So, that’s a good life.”
Sachin had to answer yes. J
He further continued,”
When Sheliza took me to her place for the first time, she asked me “Would you like a cup of tea?” and I said,” I would very much like it.” She then went ahead and showed me the kitchen,” There’s the pan, there’s the sugar and the tea-leaves. Please make it yourself.”
And her mother was like “…….besharam…….besharam……”.
This brought another round of huge laughters from everyone.
I asked him,” So you have picked up some hindi?”.
“Oh yes.” And then we had a story from sheliza. She told us that before leaving from NZ, her father had told Carlton that he should know some hindi words so that he could understand what was going on. Like “haan” meant “yes”, “nahi” was “No”, “acha” meant “Good” and …
On listening to this Carlton said, “acha is not good. It is a bad word.”.
We started wondering where the story would lead. Then Sheliza explained that whenever he says or does something wrong, she automatically responds with “ACHCHA!!yeh aise hoga?”.
And suddenly all of us realised what she was saying and again we had no option but to laugh as Calrton continued,” Yes, acha means you are in trouble. You have done something wrong!!”.
As we chatted along it was time for them to leave. We said our goodbyes and dropped them to the station.
That night, as I was sleeping and recalling everything that had happened, I realised how Carlton had stressed on all our formalities and pretense so easily. It was indeed all true. A simple “No” also cannot be taken at the face-value. I won’t say that the “aunties” who forcibly serve food are wrong. Not entirely atleast. We don’t actually answer to any question honestly. Each one of us has the habit of not answering straigh-forward. Its always like, let the person ask twice and then I’ll take it. In such circumstances the norm is to serve forcibly.
Though obviously its not just about food. What Carlton had done was just highlight the fact that we waste so much time in out pretenses. Why can’t we just be honest with what we want and what we don’t?
And ofcourse he was right about being politically correct too. We waste way too much time and energy in handling all our relatives and keeping them happy. If only people could be more understanding and adjusting , all time and energy could be used for more important things in life. And life would definitely be simpler and happier.
THINK ABOUT IT!!

How to write a technical book?

I am not a very experienced writer nor I have written many books. But I always wanted to write one and now I have co-authored a book. Its out in the market and I can tell you from first-hand experience that its a wonderful feeling. I co-authored the book with experienced authors and would just like to share my experience with you. This is to provide just an overview of the book-authoring process so that any interested would-be authors can take the intiative and get to work . :)

Well, first and foremost, decide on what you are going to be writing about? The technology should obviously have some demand in the market. Use the internet to search for books on same/related topics. Study their content and decide on the USPs of your book. Also, from the technology point of view, you should know that the demand for the technology exists and is not going to die off soon. Nopoint in writing something that is obsolete, Right??
You may think that you need to have a publisher in hand first. But generally, its better if you approach the publisher with atleast 60% of your manuscript ready, atleast in case of first time authors.
Once you have decided on the topic for your book, the next step is to start writing it.
The best way to start would be to first finalise the Table of Contents. This will help you give a outline of the book. Additionally, you get a lot of clarity on the book organisation in terms of chapters. Else, chances are that you would be working and re-working.
One the TOC is finalised, start writing the book. :) If you are using Microsoft Word, make a template and you are ready to go !! You need to be careful with the language. It should be simple and effective. Whereever possible illustrate using diagrams, flow-charts, tables etc. The visuals always have a better effect than lines and lines of text.
In case you are a single author, you would have the added responsibility of reviewing the contents. Or probably you could ask any of your friends to do it for you. Either way, reviews are important.
As you continue with the book writing and have completed substantial portions, you need to start preparing to approach the publisher. All the research that you did before starting the book now comes into picture. You prepare a proposal for the book. It should clearly bring out the aspects related to the technology demand, existing books and their weaknesses and what is the USP of your book. You send the proposal to the publisher and in all probability if your research is sound, you would land yourself a deal.
Now that your manuscript is almost 60% ready, it will be much easier for you.Publishers like it when the manuscript is almost ready for them to intiate the process at their end. They would most likely send you a contract stating the royalty details and exclusivity clauses. Go through them carefully and ofcourse you would be too happy to sign them :).

Next step would be to complete the book authoring and the reviewing part.

Once you are through, you would need to send the hard-copy of the book to the publisher for copy-editing. The job of the copy-editor is to review the book in terms of formatting, spelling mistakes and also point out any inconsistencies in the text, mostly in terms of terminology used. The copy-editor may also mark some questions to the author in case he feels that certain text is incorrect or unclear in terms of language.
You would need to review the contents sent back by the copy-editor, answer questions, verify that no erros have been introduced during copy-editing and then send it back to the publisher.
The publisher would get busy in the pagination of the book, your contents would be re-arranged in the form of a book, pages would be designed and all figures and diagrams would be re-drawn in this phase.
Meanwhile you would have to prepare the Preface of the book, the Acknowledgement section, a brief about yourself (Author's profile) and the Dedications. Believe me, this is really the fun part. You can dedicate the book to your parents, God, any other family member and you truly feel that you have done somehting special...Wait till you see your parent's smile when they see their names written on a book :)
After this , its more of reviews. Once the paginated book is ready, you need to again critically review the book to ensure there are no errors. This is the first time that you would see your book as a book..believe me its a great feeling.
Finally, you would have to prepare the index. You can easily do that using Microsoft Word. Once the index is ready, you send all the material back to the publisher.
Your job is done adn you just need to wait for the book....

When you finally see it ..... you would probably jump with joy :))

Further you can always participate in the marketing strategies also along with the publisher....after all the more the books sell..the more is your royalty!!

Hotel Showers and Life

Goal achievement, by its very nature, takes you out of your routine.
To achieve the higher results you desire you must change your ways and move into unfamiliar territory. You try new approaches and when you don’t get the desired results you adjust and try again.
Because I spend considerable time away from home, I often use unfamiliar hotel room showers. At home I know exactly where I need to set the knobs to get the shower temperature I want. But on the road I cannot get the results I want if I adjust the knobs exactly like I would at home.
I take a guess and turn the knobs to an initial position. If, when I test the water with my hand I find it too hot, I don’t give up in disgust and wash at the sink—I adjust the knobs and try again.
I continue testing and adjusting, testing and adjusting until I get the water to the right temperature. I have yet to stay in a hotel room where I wasn’t able to get the water to the temperature I want.
When you strive to achieve your goals and leave your familiar ways, you will rarely hit your targets on your first tries. When you fail to achieve your goals on the first try, you must not give up in disgust and decide the goal was flawed. You must test and adjust, test and adjust until you reach your dreams.
Keep at it.
DON’T ADJUST YOUR DREAMS, ADJUST YOUR APPROACH.
With persistence and continual tweaking you will get your life to a setting you love...

by David DeFord

Funny :)

Long back,a person who sacrificed his sleep,forgot his family,forgot his food,fogot laughter were called "Saints"But now they are called.."IT professionals"

An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:" If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my galfriend has fallen off"

Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..Love is always present..Its just that,One loves too much,andThe other loves too many,

Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occuring outside the company..!

Philosophy of life
At the begining of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

What is a Fear?Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomachWhen pages of your book still smell newandJust few hours left for your exams..!

Jus4FunSomeone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

Boy: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?Shopkeeper: Oh sure..! How about this card, it says "To the only Girl I ever loved.!"Boy: Thats good, Give me 12 of them..!

After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an opening for you..!Applicant: What is it?Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"

A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee... ..... Leave them to us

Economics and Relationships

1. Friendship is like a Systematic Investment Plan. You have to keep depositing regularly to ensure the better results !

2. Children are like a Life Insurance Policy. The more you invest on them now, safer you shall be in future !

3. Parents are like a fixed deposit. Even if you forget them, they shall come back on time and would always guarantee you return !

4. Girlfriend is like a share market. One can never predict whether she will be up or down tomorrow ! The more exposed you get into it, the more risky it becomes :-)

5. Boyfriend is like a Personal loan.. Easier to get, no paper work...high rate of interest. Always preferred for short term !

6. And finally, marriage is like Reliance Power IPO. It always list less than what everyone expected and would never deliver the bonus share it always promised.

Mistakes...taking a teacher for a ride

One night 4 MBA students were roaming till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.
They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. Then dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retest after 3 days.
They said they will be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the dean. The dean said that this was a special condition test. All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks.
Q.1. Write down your name -----(2 marks)
Q.2. Which tyre burst -------(98 marks)!!

Moral of the story: Prepare well for the present for the mistake you have done in the past.

Person who is working.....

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees". The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer.
After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others:
"Which of you idiots ate the developer?"
One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So Hereafter please don't eat a person who is working."

Performance Appraisals Revisited

Skills ................................................... Actual Meaning
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS ...... = Able to bullshit
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS ...... = Spends lots of time on phone
AVERAGE EMPLOYEE .............. . = Not too bright
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED ... = Made no major blunders yet
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY ......... = Too ugly to get a date
ACTIVE SOCIALLY ................ = Drinks a lot
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY ...... = Spouse drinks, too
INDEPENDENT WORKER ............. = Nobody knows what he/she does
QUICK THINKING ................. = Offers plausible excuses
CAREFUL THINKER ................ = Won't make a decision
AGGRESSIVE ..................... = Obnoxious
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS ... = Gets someone else to do it
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL .... = Speaks English
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL .= A nit picker
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES ....... = Is tall or has a loud voice
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT.= Lucky
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR ........... = Knows a lot of dirty jokes
CAREER MINDED .................. = Back Stabber
LOYAL .......................... = Can't get a job anywhere else

Play ur cards well.....

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.
Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the
approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."
Hearing this, the Leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the Leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the Leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks "What am I going to do now?" But
instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says......................
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."
Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well................................

Funny Definition of kiss

Prof .of Economics

Kiss is that thing for which the demand is aways higher than the supply.

Prof. of Accountancy

Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Algebra

Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry

Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.

Prof. of Physics

Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry

Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology

Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology

Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry

Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Philosophy

Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English

Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction, it is more common than proper, it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Architecture

Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects.

Prof. of Comp.Science

What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable!!

Handling love

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be
gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just
didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.
If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love her/him,
feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse
the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain.

How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel
the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.
If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then
love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, Let it
go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can
really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life.
Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.
Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you.
Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit.
Give it to the world around you in anyway you can.

This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love,
they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty
places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as
something that flows to them rather than from them.
The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love
cools, they revert to seeing their love as need. They cease to be someone
who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They
forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be
made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own
seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or
coerce it, or reason it into saying. You can only embrace it when it
arrives and give it away when it comes to you.
But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your
lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.
Love always has been and always will be a mystery.

Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.
Don't deny love just only you don't want to be hurt...
IF YOU KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN, IT WILL COME AGAIN.

Arrested for laughing

Arrested for laughing! This is from an actual trial in the UK:
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When She
noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on
account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more
amused.
She moved again and then on her third move he burst out
laughing..................She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he
acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't
help noticing she was pregnant.
She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust
Twins'.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which
read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she
sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented
this accident.'
The case was dismissed.........!!!!!!!!

Marketing Strategies

Professor at IIM was explaining marketing concepts:
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at her you says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her
telephone number. The next day you call and say "Hi,I'm very
rich. Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten
your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door
for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then
say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and
says, "You are very rich.."
That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm
rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback !!!!!


You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am
very rich.Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband
That's demand and supply gap.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you
say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
she turns her face towards you -------------------- she is your wife !


That's competition eating into your market share.

Girls at different ages

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!

Why do Women Cry?

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a
woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And
you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for
no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he asked God. He said, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said:
" When I made the woman she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,
yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection
that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else
gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue
without complaining.
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all
circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and
fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but
sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him
unfalteringly.
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use
whenever it is needed."
"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the
clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her
hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the
doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

Really Heights!!

1. What is height of Fashion?
Dhoti with a zip
*
2. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
*
3. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
*
4. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
*
5. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
*
6. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
*
7. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
*
8. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
*
9. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
*
10. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder

How life goes on?

And the life goes on and on and on....
Zindagi Hai To Khwaab Hai
Khwaab Hai To Manzilein Hai
Manzilein Hai To Fasaley Hai
Fasaley Hai To Rastey Hai
Rastay Hai To Mushkilein Hai
Mushkilein Hai To Hosalaa Hai
Hosalaa Hai To Vishawas Hai
Vishvas hai to Paisa hai
Paisa hai to shoh-rat hai
shoh-rat hai to izzat hai
izzat hai to ladki hai
ladki hai to tension hai
tension hai to blood pressure hai
blood pressure hai to doctor hai
doctor hai to Hospital hai
Hospital hai to zindagi hai ......
GO TO START :::

Secret rules to a good life

• Have a firm handshake.
  
• Look people in the eye.
  
• Sing in the shower.
  
• Own a great stereo system.
  
• If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
  
• Keep secrets.
  
• Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
  
• Always accept an outstretched hand.
  
• Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
  
• Whistle.
  
• Avoid sarcastic remarks.
  
• Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happiness or misery.
  
• Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
  
• Lend only those books you never care to see again.
  
• Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
  
• When playing games with children, let them win.
  
• Give people a second chance, but not a third.
  
• Be romantic.
  
• Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
  
• Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
  
• Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your convenience, not the caller's.
  
• Be a good loser.
  
• Be a good winner.
  
• Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
  
• When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
  
• Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
  
• Keep it simple.
  
• Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
  
• Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
  
• Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
  
• Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the one's you did.
  
• Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
  
• Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
  
• Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else ! ! choose it for you.
  
• Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.
  
• Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
  
• Once in a while, take the scenic route.
  
• Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'
  
• Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
  
• Keep a note pad and pencil on your bedside table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
  
• Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
  
• Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
  
• Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
  
• Become someone's hero.
  
• Marry only for love.
  
• Count your blessings.
  
• Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.
  
• Wave at the children on a school bus.
  
• Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.
  
• Don't expect life to be fair.

Slip of Tongue :)

WIFE: "What would you do if I die? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - -silence - -
HUSBAND: "Shit."

Poetic Resignation

The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.
To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.
The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!
The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk
That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.
I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay

Over-confidence

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead,
and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

The Noble Heart

John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose. His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II. During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like. When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central Station in New York. "You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my lapel." So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never seen. I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:
A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she murmured. Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful. I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment. "I'm Lieutenant
John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?" The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!" It's not difficult to understand and admire Miss Maynell's wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive.
"Tell me whom you love," Houssaye wrote, "And I will tell you who you are..."

True love finds its way

As I walked home one freezing day, I stumbled on a wallet someone had lost in the street. I picked it up and looked inside to find some identification so
I could call the owner. But the wallet contained only three dollars and a
crumpled letter that looked as if it had been in there for years.

The envelope was worn and the only thing that was legible on it was the
return address. I started to open the letter, hoping to find some clue. Then
I saw the dateline--1924. The letter had been written almost sixty years ago.

It was written in a beautiful feminine handwriting on powder blue
stationery with a little flower in the left-hand corner. It was a "Dear John"
letter that told the recipient, whose name appeared to be Michael, that the
writer could not see him any more because her mother forbade it. Even so, she
wrote that she would always love him.

It was signed, Hannah.

It was a beautiful letter, but there was no way except for the name
Michael, that the owner could be identified. Maybe if I called information,
the operator could find a phone listing for the address on the envelope.

"Operator," I began, "this is an unusual request. I'm trying to find the
owner of a wallet that I found. Is there anyway you can tell me if there is a
phone number for an address that was on an envelope in the wallet?"

She suggested I speak with her supervisor, who hesitated for a moment then said, "Well, there is a phone listing at that address, but I can't give you
the number." She said, as a courtesy, she would call that number, explain my
story and would ask them if they wanted her to connect me. I waited a few
minutes and then she was back on the line. "I have a party who will speak
with you."

I asked the woman on the other end of the line if she knew anyone by the
name of Hannah. She gasped, "Oh! We bought this house from a family who had a daughter named Hannah. But that was 30 years ago!"

"Would you know where that family could be located now?" I asked.

"I remember that Hannah had to place her mother in a nursing home some
years ago," the woman said. "Maybe if you got in touch with them they might be able to track down the daughter."

She gave me the name of the nursing home and I called the number. They told me the old lady had passed away some years ago but they did have a phone number for where they thought the daughter might be living.

I thanked them and phoned. The woman who answered explained that Hannah herself was now living in a nursing home.

This whole thing was stupid, I thought to myself. Why was I making such a
big deal over finding the owner of a wallet that had only three dollars and a
letter that was almost 60 years old?

Nevertheless, I called the nursing home in which Hannah was supposed to be living and the man who answered the phone told me, "Yes, Hannah is staying with us. "

Even though it was already 10 p.m., I asked if I could come by to see her.
"Well," he said hesitatingly, "if you want to take a chance, she might be in
the day room watching television."

I thanked him and drove over to the nursing home. The night nurse and a
guard greeted me at the door. We went up to the third floor of the large
building. In the day room, the nurse introduced me to Hannah.

She was a sweet, silver-haired old timer with a warm smile and a twinkle in
her eye.

I told her about finding the wallet and showed her the letter. The second
she saw the powder blue envelope with that little flower on the left, she took
a deep breath and said, "Young man, this letter was the last contact I ever
had with Michael."

She looked away for a moment deep in thought and then said Softly, "I loved
him very much. But I was only 16 at the time and my mother felt I was too
young. Oh, he was so handsome. He looked like Sean Connery, the actor."

"Yes," she continued. "Michael Goldstein was a wonderful person. If you
should find him, tell him I think of him often. And," she hesitated for a
moment, almost biting her lip, "tell him I still love him. You know," she said
smiling as tears began to well up in her eyes, "I never did marry. I guess no
one ever matched up to Michael..."

I thanked Hannah and said goodbye. I took the elevator to the first floor
and as I stood by the door, the guard there asked, "Was the old lady able to
help you?"

I told him she had given me a lead. "At least I have a last name. But I
think I'll let it go for a while. I spent almost the whole day trying to find
the owner of this wallet."

I had taken out the wallet, which was a simple brown leather case with red
lacing on the side. When the guard saw it, he said, "Hey, wait a minute!
That's Mr. Goldstein's wallet. I'd know it anywhere with that bright red
lacing. He's always losing that wallet. I must have found it in the halls at
least three times."

"Who's Mr. Goldstein?" I asked as my hand began to shake.

"He's one of the old timers on the 8th floor. That's Mike Goldstein's
wallet for sure. He must have lost it on one of his walks."

I thanked the guard and quickly ran back to the nurse's office. I told her
what the guard had said. We went back to the elevator and got on. I prayed
that Mr. Goldstein would be up.

On the eighth floor, the floor nurse said, "I think he's still in the day
room. He likes to read at night. He's a darling old man."

We went to the only room that had any lights on and there was a man reading a book. The nurse went over to him and asked if he had lost his wallet. Mr. Goldstein looked up with surprise, put his hand in his back pocket and said, "Oh, it is missing!"

"This kind gentleman found a wallet and we wondered if it could be yours?"

I handed Mr. Goldstein the wallet and the second he saw it, he smiled with
relief and said, "Yes, that's it! It must have dropped out of my pocket this
afternoon. I want to give you a reward."

"No, thank you," I said. "But I have to tell you something. I read the
letter in the hope of finding out who owned the wallet."

The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. "You read that letter?"

"Not only did I read it, I think I know where Hannah is."

He suddenly grew pale. "Hannah? You know where she is? How is she? Is she still as pretty as she was? Please, please tell me," he begged.

"She's fine...just as pretty as when you knew her." I said softly.

The old man smiled with anticipation and asked, "Could you tell me where
she is? I want to call her tomorrow." He grabbed my hand and said, "You know something, mister, I was so in love with that girl that when that letter came, my life literally ended. I never married. I guess I've always loved her. "

"Mr. Goldstein," I said, "Come with me."

We took the elevator down to the third floor. The hallways were darkened
and only one or two little night-lights lit our way to the day room where
Hannah was sitting alone watching the television. The nurse walked over to
her.

"Hannah," she said softly, pointing to Michael, who was waiting with me in
the doorway. "Do you know this man?"

She adjusted her glasses, looked for a moment, but didn't say a word.
Michael said softly, almost in a whisper, "Hannah, it's Michael. Do you
remember me?"

She gasped, "Michael! I don't believe it! Michael! It's you! My Michael!"
He walked slowly towards her and they embraced. The nurse and I left with
tears streaming down our faces.

"See," I said. "See how the Good Lord works! If it's meant to be, it will
be."

About three weeks later I got a call at my office from the nursing home.
"Can you break away on Sunday to attend a wedding? Michael and Hannah are going to tie the knot!"

It was a beautiful wedding with all the people at the nursing home dressed
up to join in the celebration. Hannah wore a light beige dress and looked
beautiful. Michael wore a dark blue suit and stood tall. They made me their
best man.

The hospital gave them their own room and if you ever wanted to see a
76-year-old bride and a 79-year-old groom acting like two teenagers, you had
to see this couple.

A perfect ending for a love affair that had lasted nearly 60 years.

Mask Remover or Whimsical Valley

Whimsical Valley by Patrick Drysdale
Once upon a time... there was a town called Whimsical Valley. It was a theatrical place where everyone pretended to be all sorts of different characters. They all enjoyed playing various roles just for the fun of it.
A man on one side of town imagined himself to be a knight in shining armor. A woman on the other side of the city idealized herself as a damsel in distress and their appropriate roles drew them together. Still others fancied themselves as heavenly messengers with a mission to save the world.
In the beginning, everyone relished playing a certain personality one day and something else the next. But after a while their amusement turned into monotonous drudgery and they would play the same roles over and over again. And after a while the people of Whimsical Valley had performed their parts for so long that they started believing in their starry-eyed roles. They found it harder and harder to remove their disguises and eventually their masks started sticking to their faces.
One day a wise magician was passing through town. He saw that the people had trouble removing their masks so he went to the local paper and took out an ad for a free demonstration of his Miracle Mask Remover. "No sticky sprays or messy powders," the ad read. "Guaranteed to remove masks with continued application."
Almost everyone in Whimsical Valley saw the ad but only a few showed up. The magician understood that most had grown so accustomed to their masks that they no longer believed that they wore them. He knew that they didn't think his presentation held anything in it for them.
On the night of the exhibition he passed out free samples of the mask remover and instructions on how to apply it. He urged the attendees to become aware that they were acting from fictitious ideas about themselves and explained to them that they were too identified with the parts they played. "You've worn your masks for so long," he said, "that you don't even know you have them on anymore. But if you practice these instructions everyday," the magician continued, "your masks will eventually fall off." Then he vanished.
Some of the people felt that the wise man had a good product but were not convinced that they themselves wore false faces. They took their bottles home and never opened them and continued to act out the roles of their masks, all the while believing that they were being themselves.
Some of the people even resented the magician suggesting that they were someone other than who they thought they were. They went around telling the others in Whimsical Valley that the magician was a fraud.
But some of the people who attended the demonstration tried the mask remover. Most forgot to use it everyday because it was a new activity for them, but when ever they remembered, they applied the magician’s instructions. It wasn't until their masks started coming loose that they were even able to really believe that they wore them.
One by one, the brave people who practiced the magician's instructions took great delight in rediscovering their authentic features. Each one knew that this was the familiar appearance he used to know and felt nothing but gratitude for the wise man's visit. He had helped them return to what they originally were.
Interested in finding your authentic identity? Here are three simple rules to keep in mind.
The first is that there's nothing for you to do, only something to understand. It's important to remember that your genuine features are mixed in with a lot of acquired identifications of what you think you should be. You are not your physical body, your personality, thoughts, feelings, home, career, bank account or any concepts that you may have about yourself. You are just as different from these things as you are from the clothes you put on in the morning.
When you get rid of false identifications, some areas of your life that previously seemed to fit will stop fitting. Shifts in taste and perception frequently accompany shifts in identity. One of the clearest signals that something healthy is afoot is the impulse to weed out, sort through, and discard old clothes, papers, and belongings. Half your wardrobe may start to look funny. You may decide to reupholster a couch or just toss it out. Musical bents may alter. There may even be bursts of spontaneous singing and running. In short, your real tastes and personal identity will start to emerge.
What you've been doing is wiping your inner mirror. Up till now, there's been a blur between you and your real self but as you drop identifications, your image becomes clearer and it may surprise you. You'll discover likes and dislikes that you hadn't acknowledged. Perhaps a fondness for ivy. So why do you have all those cactuses? A dislike for brown. No wonder you never feel right wearing that brown sweater that everyone else likes. Conditioned as we are to accept other people's definitions of us, this emerging individuality can often seem like self-will run amuck. It isn't.
The second is not to assume you already know everything there is to know about yourself. There's a lot more comprising your entirety than you realize. Thinking that you presently understand yourself is like gazing at the tip of an iceberg and taking for granted you've seen the whole thing. In actuality, most of what you do and say is determined unconsciously.
Most of our behavior, for example, has been learned by unconsciously imitating others. People are strange. It's as if we have an inborn mechanism that automatically makes us imitate anything we see or hear. Believe it or not, almost everything we do and say is because we've heard somebody else do and say it first.
I did an experiment once to see if others could be influenced to behave differently without their knowing it. I gave it a time limit of one month. Everyday I repeated the same nonsensical gestures over and over again while talking with them.
Guess what? Before the month was up, two others were already performing rudimentary versions of my silly displays. This confirmed my suspicion that people will unconsciously imitate any behavior as long as they see somebody else do it first.
But seeing how easy it was to influence others didn't prepare me for the stunning conclusion from this experiment. The unexpected eye-opener was that if I wanted others to change their behavior,
I had to first change mine. Why?
Because people can't perform a new behavior until someone first shows them what it looks like. Once they see how it's done, they'll automatically mimic this fresh conduct without question. "Imitate what you see" seems to be one of the laws of the unconscious.
Finally, realize that no person or circumstance can stop you from experiencing this natural state. Your innate self is something you can enjoy in this life right here on earth. It's a rediscovery of what you essentially are and not a rare occurrence reserved for a privileged few. It's an interior growth into spiritual maturity.
With patience and persistence, you'll start realizing who you are and, more importantly, what you're not. Understand that you don't need to start from anywhere than where you are right now and that no sincere effort on your part is ever wasted. Begin with the thought that having just a little bit of light leads to more light. It always does.
No one goes to a king and asks for a penny. Try applying this same principle to your inner life and make a bold request to experience your genuine nature from one end to the other. Just dare a lot and you'll get a lot. Wholeness guaranteed.