I have seen all kinds of marriages around me. There are some that were very happily married while there are others who were completely frustrated with one another. It was not as if the couples that had a love marriage are happier or the ones with an arranged marriage face problems. There areboth kinds in both the situations. So, I have have been able to decide on a pattern or a rule for a successful or a lousy marriage.
Nonetheless, there has to be something that makes a marriage work or not work, isn't it? After a lot of observation and time I have come to some conclusions.
First, don't have any expectations. Whether its a love marriage or an arranged marriage, don't expect anything from your partner. Especially, in case of love marriages, there tend to be certain expectations regarding the behavior or mannerisms after the marriage. Do yourself a favour, just forget the courtship!! If you don't most likely you are in for trouble. You would be comparing your partner pre- and post- marriage and that is not going to be helpful You are no longer the mushy love-birds (In case you still are, consider yourself amongst the exceptions ;)). Things have changed , there are added responsibilties and it is obvious that you two would change too. Time is going to be a constraint and there are going to be situations in which you think you are no longer the priority. Do yourself a favour and never compare and complain about the changes. Atleast never fight over these things. Instead try and find time for things that you used to enjoy and just do that : ENJOY!! Cribbing won't help, crying would be detrimental. For the ones in an arranged marriage, there are no comparisons. So, just find things that you can enjoy together.
Second, be careful with your language. Using strong words like frustrated, irritated, fed up or increasing your volume is not going to help anyone. If you are actually going through any of these things, try and calm yourself as much as possible and then discuss things out. Fighting won't help anyone :). At the end of the day you have to discuss amicably. Better do that without the fighting and wasting of time and energy.
Third, never make anyone else an issue. Your respective families, friends or any one else should not be the issue of contention. Respect each other's feelings about any such person and try and find out ways of eliminating any kind of discomforts. After all, you two have to stay together and its more important for you to be happy. Better work out ways of putting with such persons or situations!!
Fourth, provide one another space. Just because you are married and committed does not mean that you are no longer individuals. Accept the fact that your partner may want to do certain things alone or may be excited in things that you find unimaginable or may be even disgusting (BTW, you never use this term :) )..... Enjoy the things you do together and let him/her enjoy their own thing too...Believe me!! this is just going to improve your quality of relationship with one another. You would be looking forward to each other's company. So, be supportive!! Let him/her grow....They are just going to love you more for it...
There is no fifth, sixth or seventh that I can think of now...but I think the rule that works most is remembering that you love your partner and he/she is the reason that makes life worth living...
So , no point in wasting time over petty things !! Right??
So, anytime that you feel things are not working out or they are not the way you wanted them to be....just remember its your relationship and its worth every effort that you put in..
After all, love is not about finding the perfect person...its about being able to look beyond the imperfections and still being able to love ..
:)
Have a good married life :)
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